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Coffee (part 2) - 01 September 07 - 07:31

You know when you're drinking too much coffee when:

  • You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

  • You chew on other people's fingernails.

  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

  • Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

  • You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

  • You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.

  • You can jump-start your car without cables.

  • Cocaine is a downer.

  • All your kids are named "Joe".

  • You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

  • Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

  • You don't sweat, you percolate.

  • You buy Douwe Egbert s by the barrel.

  • You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
    plugged in.

  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

  • Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

  • People get dizzy just watching you.

  • You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

  • The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

  • Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

  • You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

  • People can test their batteries in your ears.

  • Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

  • Instant coffee takes too long.

  • You channel surf faster without a remote.

  • When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

  • You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity
    in a coffee can.

  • You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

  • Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

  • You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

  • You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

  • You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

  • You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

  • You get drunk just so you can sober up.

  • You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

  • Your Thermos is on wheels.

  • Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

  • You can outlast the Duracel bunny.

  • You short out motion detectors.

  • You have a conniption over spilled milk.

  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

  • You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

  • You don't tan, you roast.

  • You don't get mad, you get steamed.

  • Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during
    and coffee after.

  • Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced
    coffee to get you in the mood.

  • You can't even remember your second cup.

  • You help your dog chase its tail.

  • You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

  • Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

  • You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

  • You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

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